The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the

Editors' review

August 6, 2016

Download The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the

( narrator )AND SO IT WAS THAT THE HEROSTRAVELED MANY MILES

TO RETURN THE LORD OF THE RINGSTO THE VIDEO STORE.

WE HAVE REACHED THE GREAT PASSOF MOUNT UUURLUROCH !

LOOK OUT !

WE WEREALMOST KILLED !

A DARK WIZARD MUST BETRYING TO STOP US !

TRUE, SOMEONE OR SOMETHINGDOESN'T WANT THIS VIDEO

RETURNED TO THEVIDEO STORE !

( doorbell )

OH, HELLO, EVERYBODY.

STEVE, WE HEARD THATA BUNCH OF THE KIDS

WERE OVER HEREA LITTLE WHILE AGO.

WELL, YES,I BELIEVE THEY WERE,

BUT THEY'VE GONE.

WHAT'S THE MATTER ?

WE THINK OUR BOYS MIGHT BESHOWING OTHER CHILDREN A...

PORNOGRAPHIC TAPE.

WHAT ?!

BUT TOKEN'S NEVERSEEN A PORNO BEFORE !

HE WOULDN'T KNOW WHAT--OH GOD !

TOKEN !

TOKEN...

DID THE BOYSCOME OVER AND--

SHOW YOU A MOVIE ?

TOKEN ?

ALRIGHT, TOKEN, WE KNOWYOU MUST BE VERY CONFUSED

ABOUT WHAT YOU SAW.

YES, UH,YOU SEE, TOKEN,

THAT WAS CALLEDA "PORNOGRAPHIC" FILM.

IT SHOWS ADULT MENAND ADULT WOMEN

HAVING SEXUALINTERCOURSE.

YOU SEE, WHEN A MAN ANDA WOMAN FALL IN LOVE

THE MAN PUTS HIS PENISIN THE WOMAN'S VAGINA.

IT'S CALLED LOVEMAKING, ANDIT'S PART OF BEING IN LOVE.

AND WHEN THE WOMAN HAS FOURPENISES IN HER AT THE SAME TIME,

THEN STANDS OVER THE MENAND PEES ON THEM,

IS THAT PART OFBEING IN LOVE TOO ?

FIVE MIDGETS,SPANKING A MAN,

COVERED WITHTHOUSAND ISLAND DRESSING--

IS THAT MAKING LOVE ?

JESUS, WHAT KIND OFPORNO WAS THAT ?

IT WASBACKDOOR SLUTS 9.

OH JESUS,NOT THAT ONE !

OH GERALD, POOR KYLEMUST BE JUST AS CONFUSED

AND SCARED ASTHIS POOR KID !

TOKEN, THIS ISVERY IMPORTANT.

DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE BOYS WENTWITH THE NAUGHTY TAPE ?

( Craig )WE'RE ENTERINGTHE LIMITS OF BAILEY.

EVERYONE STAY CLOSE.

PERHAPS THE GREAT RINGWORMOF BAILEY IS ABOUT !

RINGWORMS ARE NO MATCHFOR A DWARF.

YES, WE SHALLSLAY THE RINGWORM

AND TAKE ITS BOUNTYOF TREASURE !

FOR THAT ISTHE WAY OF THE--

I SHALL PUT A MAGICSPELL ON YOU !

I HAVE BLOCKEDYOUR SPELL, WIZARD !

HEY, WHAT ARE YOUGUYS DOING ?

WE'RE PLAYING"HARRY POTTER" !

HA !!

FAGS !!

YOU GUYS, SOMEBODY'SFOLLOWING US !

IT'S BUTTERS.

BUTTERS ?

YES, HE'S BEEN FOLLOWING USFOR LIKE TWO HOURS.

THE PRECIOUSVIDEOTAPE.

LET THE BUTTERS SEE IT.

JUST IGNORE HIM,MAYBE HE'LL GO AWAY.

HEY FELLAS, MIND IF WETAKE A LITTLE REST ?

THERE IS NO TIMEFOR REST, SORCERER !

KEEP UP !

( shouting )

THEY ARE COMING.

YOU GUYSGO ON AHEAD !

JIMMY, ARE YOU SURE ?

GO !

YOU SHALL NOTP-PAA...

YOU SHALL NOT PAA...

YOU SHALL NOT PA...

YOU SHALL NOT--YOU SHALL NOT--

YOU SHALL NOT PASS.

JIMMY DIDN'T STOP THEM !

THEY'RE GOING TO TAKE THELORD OF THE RINGS FROM US !

QUICK, CROSS THE RIVER !

6th GRADERSCAN'T STAND WATER !

WHAT ?THAT'S STUPID.

I AM A HIGH RANKINGWHITE WIZARD, CRAIG,

AND I SAY 6th GRADERSARE OPPOSED TO WATER.

WHATEVER !

I'M GOING BACK TO PLAY WITHTHE HARRY POTTER KIDS.

ME TOO.

GO AHEAD AND PLAY HARRY-BUTTHOLE-PUSSY-POTTER !

JUST GET ACROSS THE RIVER,THEY'RE COMING !

WHAT THE HELL ISWRONG WITH YOU GUYS ?!

GET THE TAPE !

DUDE, I DON'TWANNA GET WET.

YEAH, I DON'T REALLYLIKE THE WATER.

BESIDES, IF OURBIKES GET WET

THE CHAINS'LL RUST.

OH GOD DAMMIT !COME ON, WE'LL FIND A BRIDGE.

OH NO,THEY'RE CLOSED !

CLOSED ?!

( 6th grader )THERE THEY ARE !

DON'T LET 'EM TURN IT BACK INTO THE VIDEO STORE !

WE'RE SCREWED.

WAIT, A DROP BOX !

QUICK, KYLE,DROP THE MOVIE IN !

FINALLY, IT'S OVER.

PRECIOUS, MUST HAVEOUR PRECIOUS.

WAGH !

BUTTERS, NO !

NOWS WEES HASSES IT !

THEY'RE COMING !

IT HAS TO GO BACK !

IT WANTSES TO STAYWITH THE BUTTERS !

THERE IT IS !GIVE ME THAT TAPE !

LET GO OFTHE TAPE, BUTTERS !

I'M NEVERLETTING GO !

FINE !

PRECIOUSSS...

NO !

NO, NO !

DAMMIT !

AW MAN, NOW WE'LL NEVERSEE THE HOT ACTION !

YOU STUPID LITTLE4th GRADERS !

THE TAPE IS RETURNEDTO WHENCE IT CAME.

IT'S POWER OVER YOUSHALL FADE AS WELL.

MIDDLE EARTHIS AGAIN SAFE.

YEAH ?

WELL, THAT'S NOT GONNA STOP USFROM KICKING YOUR ASSES !

UH-OH.

( car honking )

BOYS, BOYS !

CRAP !PARENTS !

COME ON, GUYS !

WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT TIME,FOURTHIES !

AND PERHAPS THEY WOULD.

BUT FOR NOW, THE 6th GRADERARMY WAS DEFEATED.

THERE YOU ARE !

OH KYLE, YOU'RE SAFE !

HEY GUYS.

WE WERE JUSTABOUT TO COME HOME.

WE HAD TORETURN THE VIDEO.

ALRIGHT, NOW LISTEN, KIDS,

THERE'S SOME THINGS WE NEED TOPUT INTO CONTEXT FOR YOU.

YOU SEE, A MAN PUTS HIS PENISINTO A WOMAN'S VAGINA

FOR BOTH LOVE AND PLEASURE.

BUT SOMETIMES THE WOMANLAYS ON TOP OF THE MAN,

FACING THE OTHER WAY,SO THAT THEY CAN

PUT EACH OTHER'S GENITALSIN THEIR MOUTHS.

THIS IS CALLED "69-ing",AND IT'S NORMAL.

SEE, BOYS, A WOMAN ISSENSITIVE IN HER VAGINA

AND IT FEELS GOOD TO HAVEA MAN'S PENIS INSIDE OF IT.

THAT'S RIGHT !

BUT SOMETIMES A WOMAN CHOOSESTO USE OTHER THINGS.

TELEPHONES, STAPLERS,MAGAZINES--

IT'S BECAUSE THE NERVE ENDINGSIN HER VAGINA ARE SO SENSITIVE--

IT'S LIKE A FUN TICKLE.

NOW, ON TO DOUBLEPENETRATION, BOYS.

YOU SEE, SOMETIMESWHEN A WOMAN

HAS SEX WITHMORE THAN ONE MAN,

EACH MAN MAKES LOVE TOA DIFFERENT ORIFICE.

THAT'S RIGHT.

IT'S SOMETHING ADULTS CAN DOWITH REALLY GOOD FRIENDS

IN A COMFORTABLE SETTING.

IT'S ALSO IMPORTANT THAT YOUUNDERSTAND WHY SOME PEOPLE

CHOOSE TO URINATEON EACH OTHER.

GOING #1 OR #2ON YOUR LOVER

IS SOMETHINGPEOPLE MIGHT DO,

BUT YOU MUST MAKE SURE YOURPARTNER IS OKAY WITH IT

BEFORE YOU START DOING IT.

OKAY, BOYS, DO YOUHAVE ANY QUESTIONS ?

WOW.

WELL, LET'S ALLGET GOING.

YEAH, COME ON BOYS,TIME TO GET HOME.

WAIT A MINUTE,WHERE'S BUTTERS ?

WEES HASSES OURPRECIOUSES.

HASSES IT...HASSES IT.

OH, GREAT WIZARDOF GREGENDATH !

WHAT QUEST DO YOU ASK OFTHIS RANGER AND PALADIN ?

ONLY ONE THING CANSAVE OUR KINGDOM--

YOU MUST BRING MEA PIECE OF PECAN PIE

WITH TOFFEE ICE CREAMAND MAGIC SHELL.

HURRY NOW !

THAT QUEST SUCKS,CARTMAN !

THINK OF ANOTHER ONE !

UH, BOYS, BUTTERS' PARENTSWANT TO BORROW

"THE LORD OF THE RINGS"VIDEO WE RENTED.

COULD YOU TAKE ITOVER TO THEM ?

YOU'RE SENDING USON... A QUEST ?

YOU ASK OF US TOTAKE THE ONE VIDEO

TO THE HOUSE OF BUTTERS ?

YEAH, WHATEVER.

IT SHALL BEA LONG JOURNEY,

WITH MANY DANGERSON THE WAY.

BUT IF THE TAPE MUST BE BROUGHTTO THE HOUSE OF BUTTERS,

WHO ELSE CAN DO IT ?

VERY WELL !

WE SHALL EMBARK ON THIS QUESTIMMEDIATELY, FATHER !

COME, WARRIORS !

HO !HO !

MMM, THAT GETSRID OF THEM.

OOH, YOU'RE A LITTLEFRISKY, AREN'T YOU ?

YEAH, WELL, UH,THE LORD OF THE RINGS

WASN'T THE ONLY THING I RENTEDFROM THE VIDEO STORE.

I ALSO RENTED...A PORNO.

OHH, YOU LITTLE DEVIL !

YOU WANNA GO WATCH ?

THROUGH THE MINES OF VANDOR OROVER THE MOUNTAINS OF GRALCH ?

LOOK OUT, HERE COMES THE GREATDRAGON OF PERINGRAF !

DON'T WORRY, I AM THEGREAT WIZARD MOLTILOCH.

I CAN SHIELD US FROMTHE DRAGON'S FIRE !

BWWOWOWOOWOWO !

GOOD JOB, WIZARD.

AND SO, THE PARTYJOURNEYED ONWARD--

THE GREAT WIZARD,THE SKILLFUL RANGER

AND THE COVETOUS JEW.

I'M A PALADIN,CARTMAN !

JEWS CAN'T BEPALADINS.

HEY THERE, COWBOY.

YOU READY FOR SOMEHOT, STEAMY FUN ?

YOU BET I AM.

THE GUYS AT THE OFFICE TOLD MEI HAD TO RENT THIS PORNO.

THEY SAID THIS IS,WITHOUT A DOUBT,

THE HOTTEST PORNO EVER MADE.

MMM, SOUNDS GOOD.

I LOVE THAT LINGERIE.

YEAH...YOU LIKE THAT ?

MMM, YEAH, BABY.

YEAH...

ALRIGHT, YOU READY ?

READY.

OH YEAH.

The story beginsin ages past !

In the deep regionsof Middle Earth,

where Skorn first thrivedin the kingdom of Gelgala !

OH MAN, I HATE WHEN PORNOSTRY TO HAVE A STORY.

Seven rings were cast andgiven to the races of men.

MMM, YEAH.

Seven to the racesof elves,

five to the Glundock Viladersof Gelgendol.

WOW, THE PRODUCTION VALUES AREREALLY GOOD IN THIS PORNO.

YEAH, IT ALMOSTLOOKS LIKE...

"THE LORD OF THE"--OH MY GOD !!

THIS IS THELORD OF THE RINGS !

BUT THENDOES THAT MEAN-- ?

THE BOYS HAVE THE HOTTESTPORNO EVER MADE.

OH HELLO, BOYS.

MY FATHER HAS ASKED THATWE BRING YOU THIS COPY

OF LORD OF THE RINGS !

WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH,KIND HEROES.

PERHAPS A REWARDIS IN ORDER ?

GOLD ?FRANKENSTEIN SENSE ?

OH, BUT YOU ARENOBLE HEROES--

WE KNOW OUR THANKSIS ENOUGH.

MAN, THAT'S CRAP.

BUTTERS, LOOK WHAT WE HAVEFOR YOU TO WATCH--

THE LORD OF THE RINGS !

OH BOY, FINALLYI GET TO SEE IT !

NOW, DADDY AND I HAVE TODO OUR TAXES,

SO CAN YOU WATCH THIS BYYOURSELF AND NOT GET SCARED ?

I WON'T GET SCARED, MOM,PROMISE !

THAT'S OUR MAN.HERE YOU GO.

OOH DA LOLLY !

I FINALLY GET TO SEELORD OF THE RINGS !

( woman moaning )

( man )Spank that ass.

OOH...

NEAT-O !

THIS IS GOOD !

"HI CHRIS !HI LINDA !

WE WERE JUST WONDERING IF WECOULD GET OUR PORNO BACK ?"

CALM DOWN, MAYBE THE BOYSHAVEN'T GOTTEN THERE YET.

AND SO THE PARTYRETURNS HOME

AFTER COMPLETINGTHEIR GREAT QUEST.

THE ONE TAPEWAS RETURNED

AND SOUTH PARKWAS AGAIN AT PEACE.

QUICK, A MONSTEROF RIVENDEL !

PREPARE FOR BATTLE !

THE BOYS !

BOYS ! BOYS !WHERE'S THE VIDEOTAPE ?

WE GAVE IT TO THE PARENTS OFBUTTERS AS COMMANDED BY YOU.

OH, I GUESS WE HAVE TOGO TALK TO THEM NOW.

WELL, WAIT A MINUTE--UH, BOYS--

DO YOU THINK YOU CAN GOGET THAT TAPE BACK FOR USREALLY FAST ?

THIS SOUNDS LIKE A REALLYIMPORTANT QUEST.

YES, IT IS.

THIS IS MORE IMPORTANT

THAN ANYTHING I'VE EVERASKED YOU TO DO.

YOU MUST RETRIEVE THE TAPE--

BUT DO NOT LOOK AT IT,FOR IT HOLDS AN EVIL POWER.

RETRIEVE THE TAPE ANDRETURN IT TO US AT HOME.

DO THIS, AND YOU WILL BEGREATLY REWARDED.

WOW !

THIS-- IS SO COOL.

GENTLEMEN--WE ARE OFF !

OKAY.PROBLEM SOLVED.

( woman )Just like that.

OH GOLLY.

( door opens )

HEY, WHAT'S HAPPENIN'DOWN THERE ?

WE HAVE COME TO RECLAIMTHE ONE TAPE !

WHOA, WHOA,WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?

THE QUEEN AND KINGOF STANZIZHOUSE

WISH THE LORD OF THE RINGSRETURNED TO THEM.

BUT IT'S THE GREATEST MOVIEI'VE EVER SEEN.

YOU GUYS WERE RIGHT.

LORD OF THE RINGSIS AWESOME.

YOU HAVE TO LET MEFINISH WATCHING IT.

NAY, BUTTERS !

THE ONE TAPE MUST BE BROUGHTBACK TO STANZIZHOUSE !

WAGH !

BUTTERS, WE SAIDYOU CAN'T WATCH IT !

WE HAVE A QUEST !

THEN, THEN LET MEGO WITH YOU.

OKAY, FINE, BUTTERS,

BUT IF YOU'RE GONNAHANG OUT WITH US,

YOU HAVE TO PLAY LIKELORD OF THE RINGS.

OH, OKAY !

( moaning )

YEAH.

BUTTERS ! WHAT THE HELLARE YOU DOING ?!

PLAYING LORDOF THE RINGS !

HUH, HUH !YEAH.

GET THE HELL OFF ME !

YOU'RE A FREAK, BUTTERS !YOU CAN'T PLAY WITH US !

LET ME HAVE THE TAPE !

NO, WE HAVE TORETURN IT !

MY MOVIE !

MY AWESOME,COOL MOVIE.

MY... PRECIOUS.

TO BE BROUGHT BACKTO STANZIZHOUSE.

THIS COPY OFLORD OF THE RINGS

MADE THE YOUNG BUTTERSBEHAVE QUITE ODDLY.

YEAH, AND MINE PARENTS WEREACTING STRANGE ABOUT IT TOO.

PERHAPS THEONE VIDEOTAPE

HAS SOME POWERWE HAVE NOT FORESEEN.

WELL, WELL, WELL !

IF IT ISN'T ROBIN HOODAND HIS MERRY MEN !

OH CRAP,THE 6th GRADERS !

WHAT YOU GOT THERE ?

NOTHING.

HEY, KID !

LORD OF THE RINGS--HA ! THAT MOVIE'S GAY !

YOU'RE GAY !

WHAT THE-- ?!WHOA !

CHECK IT OUT,YOU GUYS !

WHOA !WHOA !

GIVE IT BACK !

WE'RE ON A QUEST TORETURN IT TO MY PARENTS.

NO WAY !

WE'RE KEEPING THIS ANDWATCHING IT OURSELVES !

YOU CAN'T KEEP IT !

AND WHAT ARE THREELITTLE 4th GRADERS

GONNA DOABOUT IT, HUH ?

THERE'S FOUR OF US !

KENNY'S SOUL IS STILLTRAPPED IN CARTMAN'S BODY.

YEAH !

OH MAN !I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THIS.

DUDE, THAT VIDEO IS MAKINGPEOPLE ACT STRANGE !

THE ONE TAPEMUST BE RETURNED !

RUN !

GET 'EM !

( knock )

OH, HELLO,RANDY, SHARON.

CHRIS, ARE THE BOYSOVER HERE ?

NO, JUST BUTTERS.

HE'S BEEN WATCHING THE LORDOF THE RINGS DOWNSTAIRS.

OH DEAR !

WHAT'S THE MATTER ?

WE-- WELL, THIS IS REALLYSORT OF FUNNY, BUT,

WE, WE ACCIDENTALLY PUT A PORNOIN THE LORD OF THE RINGS BOX.

OH GOD !!

BUTTERS ?

BUTTERS ?

BUTTERS !

PRECIOUS...

DID YOU BRING BACKMY PRECIOUS ?

BUTTERS, WHERE IS THE MOVIEYOU WERE WATCHING ?

THEY TOOK HIS PRECIOUS.

TOOK IT AWAY TO WATCHWITHOUT HIM.

HE WAS REALLY ENJOYINGTHAT MOVIE, TOO !

MY PRECIOUS.

THE BOYS MUST HAVE COMEAND SAW WHAT IT WAS,

AND THEN TAKEN ITAWAY SOMEWHERE.

WE CAN'T LET THOSE6th GRADERS

GET THEIR HANDSON THIS VIDEOTAPE.

I MUST SAY I AGREE.

IF THIS COPY OF THE LORDOF RINGS IS "HAINTED"

IT WOULD NOT BE SAFEIN THE WRONG HANDS.

( 6th grader )I SMELL 4th GRADERS !

OH CRAP, DUDE !

HIDE !

( sniffing )

HEY !

I THINK I SEE SOMETHINGDOWN THE HILL !

( all )WHEW !

THE ONE VIDEOTAPE ISSOUGHT AFTER INDEED.

YEAH, BUTTERS, MY PARENTS,NOW THE 6th GRADERS.

COME, GUYS.

WE MUST BRING THISALL TO THE ATTENTION

OF THE HIGH ELFOF FARAGON.

YEAH, THE HIGH ELF !HE'LL KNOW WHAT TO DO !

AND SO, THAT'STHE SITUATION.

ALL THE BOYS ARE OUT THERESOMEWHERE WITH A...

PORNOGRAPHIC VIDEOTAPE.

OH GOD !THIS IS HORRIBLE !

ALRIGHT, CALM DOWN.

NOW JUST HOW BAD OF A PORNO TAPEARE WE TALKING, HERE ?

I MEAN, WAS IT LIKE,"CROTCH CAPERS 3" ?

I'M AFRAID IT WAS..."BACKDOOR SLUTS 9".

BACKDOOR SLUTS 9 !BACKDOOR SLUTS 9 !

IS THAT BAD ?

BACKDOOR SLUTS 9MAKES CROTCH CAPERS 3

LOOK LIKE"NAUGHTY NURSES 2" !

IT IS THE SINGLE MOSTVILE, TWISTED,

DARK PIECE OF PORNEVER MADE.

HOW THE HELLDO YOU KNOW ?!

I, UH, I READABOUT IT IN "PEOPLE".

OH, THIS IS JUST GREAT !

HOW COULD YOU TWOBE SO CARELESS ?!

WE'RE SORRY !

WELL, SHEILA, WE CAN'TSHELTER OUR BOYS FOREVER

FROM THESE THINGS.

MAYBE IT'S OKAY FOR THEMTO SEE AN ADULT FILM.

NOT WITHOUT THEIR PARENTS TOPUT IT IN THE PROPER CONTEXT.

THEY WON'T UNDERSTANDWHAT THEY'RE SEEING !

IT CAN'T HURT THEMTHAT MUCH, CAN IT ?

PRECIOUS !

LET ME SEEMY PRECIOUS.

PLEA-A-ASE !

O-PEN !

BELL-LOCK.

WHAT DO YOU GUYS WANT ?

WE MUST SPEAK SPEAK WITHTHE HIGH ELF OF FARAGON !

OH, OKAY,HANG ON A SECOND.

WHAT TROUBLES YOU ?

WE HAVE IN OUR POSSESSIONSOMETHING OF GREAT POWER.

IT IS THE LORDOF RINGS.

SO ? I HAVETHREE COPIES--

AND THE D.V.D. WITH12 HOURS OF EXTRA FOOTAGE.

YES, BUT THIS IS NOT--WOW, 12 HOURS ?

YES, BUT THIS IS NOTA NORMAL COPY.

IT'S MAKING PEOPLEACT REALLY STRANGE.

WE'RE SERIOUSLY,HIGH ELF--

SOMETHING VERY EVILLURKS IN THIS TAPE.

VERY WELL.

I SHALL CALL THE COUNCILTOGETHER.

MEET ME IN THEWOODS OF GATHERING

BEHIND TALINGHARRTHE BLACK'S HOUSE.

AND DON'T LET MY MOM SEE YOU'CAUSE I'LL GET IN TROUBLE.

THANK YOU,HIGH ELF OF PARAGON.

FARAGON !ASSHOLE.

CLYDE'S A DICK.

THERE'S THREE SNOT-NOSED LITTLE4th GRADERS OUT THERE

WHO HAVE A PORNO CALLED"BACKDOOR SLUTS 9".

( all )OOOHH !

I CHECKED IT OUTON THE INTERNET

AND IT SAID THATBACKDOOR SLUTS 9

IS THE MOST HARDCOREPORNO EVER MADE.

AHHHH !

I HAVE AMASSED THIS ARMYOF 6th GRADERS

TO GET THE TAPEBY ANY MEANS NECESSARY.

NOW-- LET'S GO GETTHAT PORNO !

AAAHHH !

AND SO, THAT ISTHE SITUATION.

THE VIDEOTAPE MAY OR MAY NOTHAVE EVIL POWERS.

KYLE, WOULD YOU BRING ITUP HERE, PLEASE ?

OOH...AHH...

THAT VIDEO COULD HAVE BEENMADE BY SAURON'S EVIL FORCES.

IT COULD HOLD A MENTALSPELL OF SOME KIND.

PERHAPS WE COULD USE ITTO STRENGTHEN OURSTAR CRUISERS !

KEVIN, GOD DAMMIT.

LOOK, UNTIL WE SEE THIS TAPE'SPOWER FOR OURSELVES

WE CANNOT RISKGIVING IT TO ANYBODY.

BUT IF WE WATCH IT WE COULDFALL UNDER ITS SPELL TOO !

THAT IS TRUE.

ONLY A PALADIN WITHA HIGH CONSTITUTION

SHOULD WATCH THE TAPE.

THEREFORE, I THINK IT ISA JOB FOR YOU--

TALINGHARR THE BLACK.

I'M NOT SCARED.

I'LL GO INSIDEAND WATCH THE TAPE,

JUST A FEW SECONDS.

IF I DO NOT RETURNIN TWO MINUTES

SEND A PARTY INAFTER ME.

THE FATE OF MIDDLE EARTHIS IN MY HANDS.

GIVE US THAT PORNO !!

BOYS ?

BOYS, WE'RE NOTMAD AT YOU.

WE JUST WANT TOTALK TO YOU !

TALINGHARR THE BLACK RETURNSFROM WATCHING THE VIDEO !

WHAT SIGHTS DID YOU SEE ONTHE VIDEOTAPE, TALINGHARR ?

IS IT THE WORKOF SAURON'S MAGIC ?

I'M NOT PLAYINGANYMORE.

WHOA, WAIT,WHAT'D YOU SEE ?

I DON'T KNOW.I DON'T WANT TO KNOW.

I'M OUT.

MY GOD, THIS THING MUSTREALLY BE POWERFUL.

THIS TAPE MAKESPEOPLE FREAK OUTWHEREVER IT GOES !

WHAT DO WE DOWITH IT ?

ONE THING'S FOR SURE,

THIS TAPE CANNOT BETRUSTED WITH ANYBODY.

IT MUST BE RETURNED TO THEVIDEO STORE FROM WHENCE IT CAME.

WHERE IS THE VIDEOTAPERENTED FROM ?

TWO TOWERS VIDEO STORE--IN CONIFER.

CONIFER ?!

WALKING THEREWOULD TAKE HOURS !

THERE'S NO ALTERNATIVE,

WE HAVE TORETURN THE TAPE

BEFORE IT CAUSESMORE DAMAGE !

I'LL GO.

HA !

WE CANNOT TRUST SOMETHING OFTHAT MUCH POWER TO A DWARF !

ESPECIALLY AKINDERGARTNER DWARF !

( all arguing )

STOP ACTING LIKEA BUNCH OF ASSHOLES !

I WILL TAKE IT !

I WILL WALK TOTHE VIDEO STORE.

IT IS TOO FAR AND TOODANGEROUS TO GO ALONE.

TAKE WITH YOU THE WIZARD,THE DWARF, THE WARRIOR,

THE CLERICAND THE JEW.

PALADIN !

VERY WELL.

YOU SHALL BE THE FELLOWSHIPOF THE LORD OF THE RINGS.

GOOD LUCK.

I HAVE TO GO HOME NOWBEFORE I GET IN TROUBLE.

ME TOO !

ONLY THE SIX OF USARE TO GO ?

NO, NO, THERE'SSEVEN OF US,

KENNY SOUL IS STILL TRAPPEDIN CARTMAN'S BODY, REMEMBER ?

YEAH, STUPID.

YEAH, LUCKILY CARTMAN'SBIG ENOUGH FOR THE BOTH OF US.

SHUT UP, KENNY !

( narrator )THE QUEST CONTINUED

TO RETURN THE LORD OF THE RINGSTO THE VIDEO STORE.

MAN, WE SHOULD HAVE NEVERCROSSED THAT STUPID RIVER.

YEAH, GOOD JOB,WIZARD FAT-ASS !

NOW WE'RE TOTALLY LOST !

WE'RE NOT LOST,JEWGAR OF JEWLINGRAD !

WE JUST DON'T KNOWWHERE WE ARE !

THAT'S WHAT LOST MEANS,STUPID !

KENNY, SHUT YOURGODDAMN MOUTH !

THIS IS GREAT, WE'RE IN THEMIDDLE OF NOWHERE

AND NOBODY KNOWS WHAT DIRECTIONTHE VIDEO STORE IS IN.

THE BUTTERS KNOWSES.

OH BROTHER.

THE VIDEO STORE, YES,NOT FAR FROM HERE.

WE CAN SHOW YOUWHERES IT IS !

WHERE ?

FIRST, JUST LET BUTTERSSEE THE PRECIOUS.

NO, BUTTERS, LOOK WHATIT'S DONE TO YOU.

IT'S MADE YOU EVEN LAMERTHAN BEFORE.

IF THAT WAS POSSIBLE.

TELL US HOW TO GET TOTHE VIDEO STORE, BUTTERS,

ELSE WE'RE GONNAKICK YOUR ASS !

NO HURTSESTHE BUTTERS !

WE WILL SHOW YOUTHE WAY.

YESSS...THIS WAY IT IS.

THIS IS AWFUL !

I JUST KNOW WITHEVERY PASSING MINUTE

LITTLE KYLE IS SEEING MOREAND MORE DEPRAVED SEX ACTS !

WE'LL FIND THEM.

AND THEN WE'LL TRY TO PUTWHAT THEY SAW INTO CONTEXT.

LOOK, THERE'SONE OF THE BOYS NOW !

JIMMY !

JIMMY, JIMMY !

WHERE DID THE BOYS GOWITH THE PORNO TAPE ?

THEY WERE TAKING ITTO THE V...

THE V... V...

COME ON, JIMMY, WE DON'THAVE A LOT OF TIME.

THEY TOOK IT BACKTO THE VIDEO...

THE VIDEO...

THE VIDEO SANDWICH ?

THE VIDEO STOCKYARD ?

WHAT'S A VIDEOSTOCKYARD, JIMMY ?

NO, THE VIDEO ST...THE VIDEO ST...

STINGER ?

STAPLES, THEY WENT TOTHE VIDEO STAPLES.

WHERE'S THAT, JIMMY ?

NO, YOU RETARDS !

THE VIDEO ST-STORE !

THE VIDEO STORE !!

HURRY !HURRY !

I KNOW WHERE IT IS !